Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see
Hebrews 11:11 (NIV)
It is easy to profess “I have faith” when life is sweet and going smoothly. But life seldom is. There have been times that my faith wavered. It happened while I was waiting on God to answer my prayer for writing projects. I was warned that going freelance would sometimes require waiting for replies to project bids. I took the advise seriously and waited patiently for days and weeks. And weeks turned to months. By the third month, I was frantic and anxious. I started questioning the Lord as to the wisdom of getting out of the corporate world and going freelance. I questioned the Lord as to how He would provide for me if I can’t get projects. I questioned, grumbled and whined. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had a faith dilemma.
But in one of my quiet times, He brought me to Hebrews 11:1. It felt like the Lord was asking me where my faith was. That shook me. Where was my faith? Did I really have faith in the Lord? Or do I have faith only when life is breezy? What was I putting my hope on — on my abilities or on the faithfulness of the Lord? Could I even assure myself of a great career? Isn’t everything — small or big — from the Lord alone?
I felt so ashamed on realizing the flimsiness of my faith. I was not suffering nor was I being persecuted like other followers of Christ. My momentary problem was like a slap on the wrist compared to others and yet here I was whining, grumbling and questioning the Lord. I repented and spent more time meditating on His word and on thanking and praising the One who knows my every weakness. The more time we spent together, the more my eyes and heart opened to His constant grace, mercy, lovingkindess and faithfulness.
Months later I realized that the Lord did not open work opportunities for me immediately so I may spend more time with my elderly mother. Unknown to us, she was already suffering from Alzheimer’s. Those work-free months gave me the luxury to spend long conversations, lunches, dinners and movie time with my mom. It was going to be the end of wonderful storytelling and sharing of thoughts with my mother, because soon after, her Alzheimer’s took a sudden and fast turn for the worse.
I thank the Lord for those months that He kept me free from work. I did not see it as a blessing then for my faith was focused on the tangibles. But real faith is believing and hoping on Him whose promises are true, even when our eyes cannot see.
Aya's Life 